i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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