Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
worst night to have a conscience
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
