He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
