I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
