I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
