Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
