I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
