I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
