Please don't use social media to get back at me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
