It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
