i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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