capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
