based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
