i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
