it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
