Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
