I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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