I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pants are for mortals
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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