Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
