The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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