I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sponge bath it is.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
