she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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