My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
