ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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