I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
