That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
