it wasn't lemon gatorade
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
