did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
