so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
