he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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