When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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