When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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