everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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