If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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