You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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