so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
