I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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