If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
