When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
