So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
