and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
