I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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