my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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