White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
