Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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