Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
