____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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