dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
