I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
