I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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